The chances of me having a child that is biologically my own are very slim for many reasons, however inspired by Maya Angelo I have written a letter to the daughter I have never had to mark Mother’s Day.
To my dearest daughter,
You are the most special person I have ever held in my arms and will ever hold in my heart. There is no course for being a mother, no book, website or babysitting can really prepare you. For the nine months you grew inside me, feeling you grow, I thought of what of me was growing with you. The day you were born, I thought I would drown you with all my tears touching your little fingers and toes. I was so scared I would mess it up on day one that by two you may have been taken from me as though it had been some mistake that now had to be corrected by the universe, as I did not believe I was allowed to create, hold and care for someone so special forever and ever. I considered observing and asking how friends for advice along the way, from breast feeding to what school you should go to. In the end I did what I always do, weigh up my options but ultimately go with what feels right, trusting my instincts.
Every day you grow, asking more questions than even I asked at your age but like me you know an answer leads to yet more questions, which need time to consider, thinking about what you have learnt and what you would like to learn about next. You paint with your words, brushes, and music, never forget that creativity is your self expression and does not matter that it is not understood by the masses or bring you in money, as long as it brings you happiness. Equally, your love and affection to me and others is beautiful beyond equal, but remember if someone truly loves you back it is a priceless gift so do not abuse or throw it away as though it were a tired old toy. There are many that will hurt you and put you into boxes, so embrace your individuality as much as what brings you connections with others. Blood and genes we may share, but the best thing I can give you is the freedom to be you.
Today is mother’s day, for me every day is mother’s day as I get to call you my daughter and I will never tire of hearing you call my name or seeing your smile from eyes to lips. I know how blessed and fortunate I am to have you in my life, for as long as we journey together and you continue after I am unplugged from the life matrix.
All my love and best wishes always,