There’s a balloon on my head or at least that’s what it looks like. How do I explain alopecia in terms that people may empathise with and dare I dream even understand? Our immune system is meant to fight infectious organisms and substances but mine decided over 25 years ago that this includes my hair. Yes, my own body’s defence mechanism went on a friendly fire offensive against my hair cells and killed them.
First it looked like hairs on the pillow and soon there were none left on my head. By none I mean none, at times of stress I have no hairs anywhere on my body that a woman would. However, I did notice little white hairs on my arms on Monday, which some may say but everybody does Fi – well my body hasn’t done so in over twenty years! My hair has grown back once and nearly back twice only to fall out again within a few months so now can hardly remember what it feels like to have any hair at all.
Being bald drained any outward self confidence, the bullying at school left their own scars to make for a vicious cocktail inside of me. Looking in a mirror became a phobia as I was scared to see the freak in my head in flesh and the ogre have physical form. I had zero therapy to understand it all and the doctors were as useful as chocolate teapots when I could see one but even then the control of my life was not in my hands. It is only now I have accepted fully that it is part of me, I will never be able to stop others reaction to it and do not care what they might say or do for there is no cure to reason to laugh at me. I am overdue buying a new wig, I feel like a change…one thing is for sure I’m not going blonde!
© Fi S. J. Brown