A Gift

I send you this gift from me to you; a letter filled with empathy, compassion and thoughtful wishes. Indeed this letter is from your inner self, the one that lies naked in the words which follow. It comes in a brown envelope baring your name; yes the one that taunts when you heard it said in full but smile when hear it in short but not the one of yesteryear that makes your body shiver from head to foot, for I would not be so cruel.
 
My dearest Fi,
I am writing you this letter to remind you that you: No matter what your past’s stories tell of your journey to today’s date, learn from them but do not dwell. Use today as the stepping stones to the hopes and dreams to the future that belong to you and give others a helping hand along the way. Choose your battles carefully but do not fight with yourself, for she is you, so please be gentle with her.
 
See through masks that hide a person’s true being but equally put down the ones you wear yourself in fear or self hate. Your sensitivity and empathy are gifts, not curses or spells from some wicked witch out of a fairy tale. Remember not all is visible at first, like the green that hides under a pistachio’s shell, and like the ugly duckling not all shine until they have experienced years of life’s adventures.
 
Remember, I love you, and you are me,
Fi x
 
© Fi S. J. Brown

Letter to self

Dear Fiona (aged 22 and 3/4s),
I am writing to you from fourteen years in your future and have managed to scrape through to 36.75, sometimes you’ll wonder how but have learnt to focus on the present not past to pains that still scar but are covered in patches sewn by the love of friendship and think of the future but only see a cold and dark tunnel.

You are coming to the end of your time living in Aberdeen, having studied for a degree and a masters, but not sure what direction you want to go next. Well here’s a spoiler, you have another masters and PhD to go but they’re not listening to your inner voice, which you only learn with hindsight and life experience.

A freak that is the love child of Frankenstein and the Hunchback of Notre Dame is how you feel, right? Wrong, by my time you have grown to accept and appreciate who you are. No you haven’t resorted to drastic measures to change every iota of yourself as per those nightmaresque dreams you always have.

The reason for this letter is to say, you’re doing just fine. Yes, the way your life goes is not like others but that’s why life’s journey is unique and special, we can empathise and understand that of others but only we know our path. And yes it does hurt, do cry but do also try to focus on the positives that are part of that journey.

As to where you’re going to be at the age that I am now? Lets just say frustration on some things never change, no matter what we do these seem set to plague us but some will change. No matter how they seem today, like the newspapers that are tomorrows fish and chip wrappers, let them fade with the sun setting.

One final thing thing, you’re a strong woman that keeps going longer than any Duracell bunny ever could. So dry those tears that fall, not hard with your hand, but with a tissue and let yourself feel them like drops on a drum for they’re the rhythm of your heart and soul. And don’t give up, believe it again, carry on forwards.

Love Fi (aged 36.75) xx