Love poem 1

My attempt at a love poem (as rarely write them or have any one to write one for/about).

I am sprinkling like a fairy,
Different kinds of flowers,
Every colour of the rainbow.

Here I come to give you songs,
Words to make your head spin,
And flowers to make you smile.

Music that will make you dance,
Oh, and another kind of flower,
To place forever upon your heart

From the city of an extinct volcano,
Sleepily watching over the citizens.
With a castle but no princess be.

I came to bring these just for you,
Carrying them over the seven hills,
And crossing the spiralling river.

Together they may have no worth,
But they are all I have to give,
From citizen FSJB of Planet Earth.

© Fi S. J. Brown

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The Swan

Earlier this week I tuned and adjusted the white balance of this picture, which I recently took of me with my mobile/cell phone; finding myself looking in the eyes saying ‘yes that’s me‘ and ‘quite a good photograph for a quick selfie.

For a long time an ogerous monster lived in my head that would have said something like this: ‘eww, what an ugly and loveable freak of nature you are, no wonder people point and laugh at you in the street. Delete that at once, nobody wants to see your ugly face on Facebook or Instagram. Don’t bother taking any more selfies, shows your ego is growing. Oh and may break your phone…ha ha!’

Instead another voice came out, the one I use when talking to others with my natural empathy and understanding ways, and not one I have heard myself say to me: ‘You look pretty and happy there Fi. Who cares if you see flaws or things that aren’t right in this photograph, better to knit a scarf than nitpick at yourself for no reason. Anyone that laughs and/or calls you ugly can spin on your middle finger, that’s what it is best used for!

I nearly choked on my own emotion, not for the first time, but this was in a positive way of my own doing to myself. Pondering, perhaps this former ugly duckling has finally seen her own swan-like reflection, and will glide the river of life wherever it is leading her to go. I do not need a mask of chemical colours or a surgeon’s blade to syringe to make me look beautiful; I am me, not an ogre but a swan, and that’s fine with me.

© Fi S. J. Brown

me 2017

I believe in a thing called love

I have always felt we do not pick who we fall in love as it is the person with their quirks and idiosyncrasies, their gender should not matter and we should not judge another for picking someone that is the same as their own. It took me until my mid-30s to accept I am asexual, i.e. I lack sexual attraction to anyone, with zero interest in or desire for sex. Yes, I’m a grey-A as they say, but as most of you know I dislike boxes or labels, they belong on food not people.

The hate some give to another if they say they are gay, lesbian or bi can be considerable, even in areas like the UK and America that are seen as more accepting than others. Some use religion as a reason for this hate, why put your beliefs on another? Believe what you like but when it comes to love does a god or book really define something we all feel and that every songwriter tries tell us afresh from their prospective and redefine for a new generation?

Opponents of gay marriage say it changes what marriage means; what it doesn’t mean that two people that love each other and want to show commitment to each other for the rest of their lives? It breaks down traditional family values is often argued too; how many married in the past as they were unable to be true to who they were and be with the one they loved? Or stuck in an abusive relationship that they could not escape from as would not let them leave them for another?

It is not natural is one that sometimes makes me giggle; have they seen how all animals behave in the wild and not in circuses or zoos? It maybe idealistic to have a child to be raised with their natural father and mother, but with relationships breaking up all the time, isn’t it better a child is loved by two people that love them than two people staying together for the sake of that child? Being a parent is more than being a sperm or an egg to a name on a birth certificate.

So Barry Manilow has admitted he’s gay and been in a relationship for 40 years, should we be shocked or say so what we already knew? It doesn’t matter, to me what is amazing is that he’s managed a relationship that lasted so long particularly one in the entertainment industry that are fake or typify how disposable love seems to be for some these days. Should it matter who our favourite entertainers, be they musicians or actors, have as their partner as it is their business and not ours.

What should it teach us, if anything? Be yourself, be happy, and those that complain it says more about themselves than it does you! This world preaches enough hate, envy, and jealousy these days, can we not have more love, acceptance, and appreciation for others? Love is a rainbow as we’re all different. Believe what you want to believe, but I believe in a thing called love…just listen to the rhythm of my heart!

© Fi S. J. Brown

Love

Valentine’s Day will soon be upon us, that commercial day of love sold to us by companies across the world, online or offline. Telling us to take someone special out for a candlelight meal at an expensive restaurant, buy a dozen red roses for the one our hearts desire or send a card anonymously to one we secretly adore in the hope that they love us much as we do them.

However, do we really need a day to say what our words, thoughts and actions do every day anyway, no matter how unspoken they may apparently be or hidden we try to keep them. Nobody has the right to say we cannot love another due to their gender, racism, beliefs, or ability, as it is their personality ultimately that matters and makes us fall in love with them. That love being like a parent, sibling, friend, or romantic, it is universal but one size does not fit all.

The way we view love now is has changed over the centuries, and is quite different to the our ancestors. In Ancient Greece for example romantic love was not held with the high regard and emphasis we put on it; to them love for friends was considered every bit as special as romantic love. The philosopher Aristotle regarded friendship as a lifetime commitment to mutual welfare, in which two people become “second selves” to each other.

The idea of unconditional love, which is a fairly modern concept. Love was been seen in different ways by philosophers until then: for example Plato saw it as conditional on the other person’s beauty; Aristotle emphasised another’s virtues; for St Augustine it was their goodness; and for Rousseau it was their moral authenticity. It was during 18th century Enlightenment philosophers suggested unconditional love on others rather than god.

We almost expect someone that said “I love you” to mean that they loved us unconditionally and accepted us for who we are. However, when someone says to us they love us but just as a friend we feel it is a second rate love as will never have that romantic love with them. To me for a friend to acknowledge their love for me is truly special as mean I matter to them and that is every bit as important as romance. Having a loyal and trustworthy friend counts for so much, and never know what it may blossom into.

© Fi S. J. Brown

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
I know I have not written to you in around thirty years but felt it was about time I did again. I know you judge children if they have been ‘naughty or nice’, but what about grown ups? The world is full of people that judge us from our hair style to skin colour, mock our belief in the Flying Spaghetti Monster to our chosen special loved one’s gender, and dismiss us due to disabilities but never find the abilities. They paint all in 50 shades of green, which is tainted with hate, greed and envy as they perceive or assume us to be a certain way, yet we are all one shade of red when we bleed when hurt by their ways. We also have voices are multicoloured, but others try mute or copy but never get the right shade despite the auto tune.

This year has been hard one for many, we are emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted by it all and looking forward to a break from it raining all the time. There are things that your elves just cannot make and be delivered by you, such as loved ones we would give anything to spend the day with but cannot due to health, distance, estrangement, and death. New jobs that would bring us changes that may improve circumstances, not meaning financial, to us and those we love. Improved health, physical and mental, so we can live life to the full The wisdom to accept today and make the most of it without longing for the past or wishing for the future.

This Christmas forget the iPhones and funny socks but instead bring people together with smiles and laughter. May glasses overfill with love and light not just wine or gin. Create memories to cherish over dinner not recipes that will mean disaster in years to come. To those with nobody to celebrate let someone open their door and hearts not just presents from under the tree. For some they have no home, so may they find shelter as Mary and Joseph did in the story many base this celebration on and give birth to a hope filled with love and light that lasts a lifetime.

Thank you Santa for reading my letter so far; I have now stopped with the wants to consider nobody ever asks what you or your elves want. So what do you want? Some may leave you a drink and mince pie in thanks without considering the bigger picture. Just as the elves help you, some may help us to make that dream a reality or ensure the big night goes to plan but we not always see or appreciate quite all they do. Equally, we do not always thank those that give themselves to us as we take their presence for granted, assuming they will be unchanging and there for us much like you dear Santa.

So thank you once again dear Santa and to all the elves, know even as a grown up we may make wishes for presents that you cannot wrap and put in a stocking, just like my niece asking for a pony. The Christmas magic cannot buy or bring what truly matters, the human spirit filled with love, empathy, peace, light and happiness to others, and that is my gift to you and those that read this letter. This may not sound much but it is all we need, and can be shared globally irrespective of difference, location and.address.

Love,
Fi x

© Fi S. J. Brown

Questions to ponder (and my answers)

  1. When was the last time you tried something new?
    – Last month, learning the Danish language.
  2. Do you think crying is a form of strength or weakness?
    – Strength, as letting go of what is hurting us and a sign to move on from it as best we can.
  3. Are you living or existing?
    – I try to ensure I live in the moment but some days feel like it is existing by joining the dots going from day to night.
  4. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of?
    – Yes, some personal stuff that still hurts from my past and impacts on the present.
  5. How old would you be if you didn’t know how you are?
    – Mid-70s, feel I have seen the world many times over and so many repeats but yet still room for surprises too.
  6. What makes you smile?
    – Seeing a message from one of my closest friends or my niece Isabella’s excitement at life without the jadeness we gain with age.
  7. When was the last time you listened to the sound of your own breathing?
    – The other day when sat watching autumn leaves fall around me.
  8.  What has life taught you recently?
    – Some people will always judge others by their standards or how they think life should be lived, best not give them your oxygen or time.
  9.  Can you describe your life in six words?
    – A cryptic maze with false paths.
  10. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make mistakes?
    – As in admitting we were wrong or caused an error leaves us feeling exposed and vulnerable, thus open to pain and hurt.
  11. If life is short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t?
    – We dwell too much on negativity and find positivity really hard, but should focus on we do have or are not would like or had.
  12. Is it more important to love or to be loved?
    – Both, as being loved shows us what love is and we should share that with those we feel are important in our lives (not just on anniversaries and special occasions).
  13. What act of kindness were you were once shown that you will never forget?
    – My closest friends by believing in me and encouraging me when I was not able to do so for myself.
  14. What is your goal for the next six months?
    – Find the middle of the maze.
  15. If you could live one day of life over again, what day would you choose?
    – Hard to single out one day as changing things would change who I am now but days filled with good memories I would like to keep being special for their uniqueness.

What about you? What are your answers?

© Fi S. J. Brown

World Mental Health Day (2016)

If we lived in a world like something from a science fiction novel where we could go for a full body scan at any time that would tell us what was physically and mentally wrong, which would be followed up with a customised pill to cure whatever was wrong with us, would we live differently to as we do now? Would we be free from bullying and abuse or jealousy and envy? How would we define or set limits to what a normal human body should and should not be capable of? Would a human being’s blueprint be just like we read about in science textbooks? What about individualism? Would we see that as dangerous as all should looks and feel the same with a hive mind? Is being different being abnormal?

Now consider the world we do live in. Why when someone is diagnosed with cancer, arthritis or asthma are our reactions different to dissociative identity disorder, schizophrenia, and anxiety? Why do some let a diagnosis change how they see a person was from the person they knew yesterday? Why are they now not normal, and what therefore is normal? We are not robots or clones, we do not experience this world in the same way as anyone else has or ever will again. A book can only so show much of the human experience, but does not allow for individualism that comes from being true to ourselves and living life the way that is normal for the journey we alone are on.

What about the future? In the past we may have swept problems or issues under the proverbial carpet to locking someone up in an asylum as a danger to society, but even now mental health issues are stigmatised as cannot see by looking at someone how much they are suffering mentally. More and more the world is getting darker with fear, greed, envy and jealousy, instead of light with hope, empathy, compassion, and understanding. Unless some of us start to punch holes in this darkness it will only continue until we all stagger around blind and deaf to the needs of others. Today World Mental Health Day, so let us use it as a stepping stone to hold open doors and windows with light today and every day.

© Fi S. J. Brown

Mindful living

Climb to the top of the mountain and giving praise when it warranted. Remember that we are all important, it does not matter who we know but how we are treat others. Only we walk the path that belongs to us, but embrace those that make that journey easier and those that mean us harm follow our senses to limit their damage.
 
Dare to fly and to dream, for the impossible is not what it may seem, we’re only limited by our own imaginations. Embracing who we are now not who we were or like to be, as well as what we have not what we had or would like. Remove worry, fear, and hate, live life and love it as it today, for tomorrow is but a whisper and never a promise.
 
© Fi S. J. Brown

Love and light

Events over the last few days in Orlando to West Yorkshire have sent many of us in tears and asking for answers we do not even know how to formulate the questions to beyond the simplest ‘why’. It is times like this that can bring us together in love and grief but equally tear us apart in hate as wave the finger of blame with a thirst for revenge; there is enough blood being spilt worldwide right now without us adding to it.
Consider for a minute why do we paint a sky one shade of blue or grass one shade of green, when they are many different shades? Just as these events are done by one grey shade of humanity that does not mean they represent all of us; nor for example will every person that worships an afro haired Martian called Bob will do extreme things such yarn bombing trees, some are happy to knit hats and scarves in their homes.
Now pick up your matches or lighter, not for a fire but to light a candle, and let us set off a light beacon of love and hope throughout the world, driving out those that want us to live in fearful and hateful darkness. Then pick up your phone to ring, text, email or Facebook those you love to remind them just how special they are to you and do this often as today is now, where as tomorrow is a whisper but not a promise to anyone.
© Fi S. J. Brown

On this third rock from the sun

Let’s pause for just a minute or two.
There is:
  • 1 Planet Earth
  • 7 continents
  • 165 major rivers
  • 204 countries
  • 2000 islands
  • 6500 languages spoken
  • 8.7m species
  • 7 billion humans
Those humans vary in:
  • Ability – Mental and/or physical
  • Age
  • Ethnicity
  • Gender
  • Race
  • Religion
  • Sexual Orientation
  • Socio-Economic Status/Class
Yet they also vary in:
  • Hopes
  • Dreams
  • Yearnings
  • Desires
  • Wants
  • Needs
  • Ambitions
  • Fears
One size does not fit all, so you be yourself and let others be themselves, but together we all matter and can make a difference,
© Fi S. J. Brown